Happy Masturbation/Self Pleasure Month!
As a way to celebrate I want to share with you my special mindfulness based self-pleasuring ritual taken from my latest book “Revolutionizing Intimacy”.
The art and concept of self pleasure is about taking the time to being present in feeling all of the smallest and biggest sensations during an experience whether it be a self massage or sexual arousal. A key component of this is slowing down. The more we feel by slowing down the more intimately engaged we will be in the moment. By applying your presence to masturbation/self pleasuring you will also be adding to the quality of your connection with your lover or partner.
My years of mentoring, writing case studies have shown me that people who self pleasure, are more likely to have fulfilling sex lives, better health, happier relationships and an overall increase in self confidence. You become the expert of your own body and learn to be erotically self sufficient.
Think of yourself giving someone a massage, a friend or lover. When you do this you want to be as present with how you are touching them, to the way their skin feels, to the response of their body. That is what makes for a wonderful massage. Well, the same is true when massaging yourself. You will not mindlessly knead your body while staring off at the TV or daydreaming about your next appointment. You want to pay attention and lose yourself in all the sensations that the body begins to feel when you massage it.
How would you want to be met by your lover? How would you want to express yourself to your partner intimately, sensually, lovingly? Why would we expect another to show up like this, touch us like that, do this for us if we aren’t able or willing to do this for ourselves?
Self Pleasuring Ritual
This self pleasuring ritual is about returning to an intimate relationship with your pleasure. In your special room we will explore various aspects of self-touch, breathing, presence, and moving consciousness and awareness to different parts of your body, all in a journey through self pleasuring as a meditation.
What is your body feeling in this moment? Do you feel nervousness, contraction, resistance to the thought of self pleasure as a meditation? What are your judgments around receiving pleasure, giving yourself the gift of pleasure?
Where masturbation is often associated with a quick release and getting off mindlessly, self pleasure meditations are about learning to feel more, ride waves of pleasure, learn how you like to be touched, exploring the body with presence for an extended period of time. There is no goal to orgasm or ejaculate. There is not even a goal to touch your genitals. Yet it is open for orgasm, ejaculation and touching your entire body. This is about loving your body!
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do you know how you really liked to be touched?
- Do you believe that spirituality, mindfulness and sexuality are linked?
- How vulnerable do you allow yourself to be during sex?
- How aware of yourself are you while you are sexually aroused?
These questions are simply inquiries to trigger new awarenesses, to identify where you may stop yourself from experiencing deep intimacy with another (even though we are focusing on yourself relationship at the moment). If you are unable to be fully, deeply intimate with yourself, why would another meet you in such a way?
To self pleasure consciously:
- Create time for yourself! Time where you won’t be disturbed as if you are creating a date with a lover or partner. Put on some music, light some candles, use your favorite massage oil, or whatever creates a nourishing experience for you.
- Breathe. Breath is your number one way to accelerate pleasure and presence. In life people let their Manic Minds take over, and end up holding their breath often so as not to feel. As a result, when we do become aroused our breathing becomes more shallow.When we hold our breath during sexual pleasure all the arousal remains in the genitals. Today the intention is to allow pleasure and sensation to move through the whole body without a goal. Remember the circular breath you have been practicing daily. Allow the breath to be slow, deep and relaxed. Imagine the breath as a pump circulating your energy and sensations of turn-on through your whole body. With conscious breathing we create space to receive more pleasure.
- Be your own pleasure detective! Explore your whole body and discover those juicy spots. Be curious, as if on an adventure of your own body. Notice the places of pleasure, how you like to be touched and how it changes from place to place. Again, when you ask lovers to explore your body it is important to do the same.
- Let any feelings, sensation of pleasure or energy activating to simply ebb and flow. When we feel arousal or sensations which feels good we usually focus on building it, heading for the goal. However arousal naturally rises and falls like the waves in the ocean. It is in riding each wave that pleasure builds, prolongs and becomes a state of being rather than a quick blissed out moment.
- Slow down and savor your pleasure.
- Focus on the sensations.With so much external stimulus in the world the sensations you actually are able to feel within the body may be limited. People have become desensitized. Draw your attention to your body. How does your body feel? What sensations do you notice? Breathe. Over time with more explorations like this, you will increase the feeling, awareness and sensations in your body, which will heighten your experience when with you partner or lover. More of you to be shared and enjoyed!
I am excited to hear about your self pleasure practice and how this ritual adds pleasure to your month of May and beyond.
Sexuality is magic, it is creative, it is life force and it is calling us to listen.
To pick up your blueprint to more Intimacy Mastery practices come on by and check out my latest book “Revolutionizing Intimacy” at https://www.tziporahintimacy.com/books/
With Love and Appreciation