A common basic human need is to feel special for just about all human beings.
In a relationships, there maybe edges which may feel uncomfortable, as well as exquisitely amazing. How are you unique in your relationship?
In a world where we have partners , love relationships, business relationships, friendships, establishing a unique bond may seem a challenge. Whether or not you are connecting with one partner or a few, you are making aa emotional investment to varied degrees, especially with partners you are sharing life with on a regular basis. It is essential that we realize our heart’s unique connection with each person individually.
Creating and honoring uniqueness in our relationships with others begins with a commitment to ourselves. Doing daily practices, keeping our emotional body cleansed, taking care of ourselves body, mind and soul are ways to honor our own uniqueness. The beauty of a relationship is that we get to learn and grow together.
The magnificence of life is the union of Divine and our natural human-ness. Living in these human bodies offers human needs and yet universal feelings. To deny this basic fundamental truth can reap havoc emotionally and create more separation in our relationships.
Sometimes unconscious patterns happen. For example, we can easily “get stuck in the mundane” and feel like we are being taking for granted, feeling like we are in an emotional rut at times. A unique approach may be to create ways you may create a deeper connection with each other before and after and even through this unique and chosen relationship experience?
I have found that it feels a bit edgy to have the courage to have a conversation about it, so that you actually support your mind and even soften your heart to remain open with this level of intimacy and vulnerability with your partner(s).
Communication and the delivery of it is key!
Don’t be afraid to get inquisitive and ask! Talk about things that challenge you. Complete transparency will actually alleviate distrust and unnecessary pain. Don’t be afraid to ask what their connection has been like up until this point. Inquire about what your partner’s desires or intentions.
Be transparent with what you are feeling.
I know from working with many people over the years, as well as a life path of my own, that full transparency eliminates so many unnecessary misunderstandings and drama in relationships. It prevents unnecessary emotional pain, but not all emotional experiences. When I can be self responsible for my feelings it enables me to respond with a sincere, “Thank you for sharing and telling me about your upcoming play date. I love and appreciate you being so transparent with me. It assists me in feeling included and special. I feel a little nervous in my body though and a little bit scared of this new unknown experience, yet I feel really connected with you right now.” This opens me up to such profound intimacy with my beloved. The little girl inside feels reassured and safe, while the woman I have become feels empowered and present. Together we get to create new pathways that deconstruct the old conditioning!
Can you see how this conversation and the approach allows a safe space for hearts to have room to open and create a deeper intimacy and realization of this extraordinary love relationship? Perhaps now we can create an agreement for what is needed and desired when a partner goes out on a play date with someone new. We can inquire together about what might some of our needs be? Perhaps I feel a need to connect with my partner by creating a date the following day together in which we go off and share enriching quality time together. This could be a way that brings us closer together in our joy, sensuality, sexuality and love, affirming the shared appreciation for our relationship.
Part of emotional maturity is to share them openly with your partner/s from a self-responsible place.
Relationships are mirrors to show us our many aspects of being- our emotions, our shadow side and yes, even our glorious light. What a gift, to co-create such an extraordinary container for deeper intimacy, growth, expansion and love with your partner. Living a practice of deep listening, being responsible for your feelings and transparent in sharing them, being inquisitive and asking questions, co-creates a relationship that enriches needs being met and creates a deep level of intimacy and connection. This intimate connection born from such transparency is the key for sustainability in a relationship.
Many of us have been conditioned to hold things in, or to explode and project blame and shame on others when we are upset. We hold back our communication out of fear or hurt. We don’t ask for what we need because we were told that it wasn’t okay. This creates an explosion of emotions, resentment and separation. Eventually we no longer feel like ourselves. All we feel is a monster growing inside us that is taking over. Then unfortunately the relationship ends.
Relationship is like creating art. It is a canvas fresh and clean for you to create how your desire. Explore your personal boundaries, edges, desires, concerns and fears. Support each other to continue to expand and evolve into new infinite fields of love. Be patient and play a lot watch for getting stuck in a process.
Some things to consider-
How do you show up in your uniqueness with your lovers?What are your communication practices like with your partner/s? What agreements, boundaries and special experiences do you create for you and your partner before, during and after one of you goes off on a play (sex) date with another?
Tziporah Kingsbury 2014 ©