What do you do when you find yourself emotionally triggered within a relationship dynamic. My partner and I enjoy geeking out on relational topics especially as we explore co-creating relationship on our terms and not what society tells us is the "right" way or what has been role modeled to us in our upbringing.
While it is not your partner's responsibility to fulfill your needs what happens is often those choosing to be in a relationship share in similar needs, values and desires in life. By sharing the same values and aspirations, we naturally meet in our shared yes versus doing what so often happens such as being accommodating and overriding our own needs.
In my personal experience, when I think of oral sex or oral pleasing, I see it as an expression of honoring the cock. I melt with pleasure every time I intentionally traverse my lover's body. Here is where presence is the best presence of all.
Happy Masturbation/Self Pleasure Month! As a way to celebrate I want to share with you my special mindfulness based self-pleasuring ritual taken from my latest book "Revolutionizing Intimacy".
Introspection and Solo Time are two powerful allies when it comes to managing or calming those emotional triggers. Have you ever asked yourself, what are your boundaries when emotionally upset, tired, and your nervous system is feeling jacked up? Do you force yourself to be present, have a conversation at that moment, answer questions where you may not have clarity? Or do you set a boundary to take a break, pause and provide a safe haven for your body, nervous system and mind to return to equanimity?
I love unpacking ideas and believe cultivating a deeper understanding of these topics are essential to creating change for humanity and in our own lives. Recently I was on a date and we were having the sex talk. I have a sexual boundary when I am still getting to know someone that I use a condom during oral sex. The person I was with really wanted to have oral sex without a condom. They were knowledgeable in the field of health and expounded about how safe unprotected oral sex is. Some may see this as a person doing their best to manipulate a situation. To convince me to override my own personal boundary.
Creating boundaries is an act of love. They are a doorway to knowing yourself and another to greater depths which in turn provides a field abundant with possibility. Are you ready to become a Master of your boundaries? This means becoming a master at creating and attracting those ideal relationships personally and professionally.
Where do your self-expectations and agenda in the bedroom interfere with truly experiencing the intimacy you desire? Imagine you’re on a date with your partner, your mind is racing with ideas of how you want the night to be, how you are going to be that wild, passionate man which includes getting an erection, staying erect and having the most powerful ejaculation of a lifetime! But... what if now that your mind is so busy, your parts just won't comply?
In a world where people use relationships and sex as a means to fill a void, addiction, depression and various psychosomatic disorders are common. In such a world, you may find yourself settling for a lower quality of living, loving or relating. You might find yourself feeling trapped, uncomfortable in your body, like a bird in a cage with a muzzle over your mouth, your solar plexus in a noose, chest tight, shoulders to your ears. We end up living so guarded out of fear of what will come out when we finally relax, feel and share our desires, needs and wants truthfully.
Let’s talk about sex! But let’s talk about it in a different way. We’re not going to talk about the oh-that-feels-so-good, get-me-off kind of sex, but the kind of sex that is all-encompassing where you feel you are making love to life. This is a journey of remembering the profound nature of your sexuality and the wild ride which may await you.