Are you ready to have More Intimacy, Clearer Communication and an even better Sexual Connection in your relationships?
In my work with clients over the past 20 years, these are the questions, wants and desires that I see time and time again. They want to be more intimate, be heard and have a stronger sexual connection.
One of my #1 ways to achieve this is:
Go Deep into Silence and Stillness
You may be saying, “How is going away from other people and the ones I love going to actually create what you are saying it is going to create?”
Well, read on as I share my personal experiences and insights by having a dedicated practice doing just that.
On August 5th, I began a new experience that would catapult my life, my relationships, my sex and my connection to self to an entire new level. I knew it was time for me to go deeper into extended silences and stillness. At home, I have a regular practice of 2 hours of self-quiet time after I wake each day, a yoga practice and a lot of self-care. While this time allows me to stay in tune with myself, the full life of being an entrepreneur still has a way of filling me up to the point where I require a deeper break and time away. Im sure you may relate.
This year I fulfilled that need by participating in Vipassana.
My beloved life partner who has many years of practice has often talked with me about this, and how much it was in alignment with the way I work with clients and my own personal practice. Being an introvert by nature, I of course loved the idea of not talking or having to talk to anyone for an entire 10 days. That was very exciting for me! Yet even in knowing it was what my heart, body and spirit needed, and with all the stars aligning with such ease and grace to have me at this specific retreat, there was still hesitation up until the day before I drove out.
I bet you remember a time or two where your gut and heart was nudging you into something yet your head got in the way. Yes? Those old stories of worry, fear, concerns and what if’s. You can relate?
What happened next was absolutely phenomenal to witness. I have a love for deep introspection. More so, being as sensitive as I am, I love going inside and feeling my whole body changing before my eyes. In a world that is so overstimulated, you may not even be aware of your emotional feelings, never mind the sensations you feel in the body from moment to moment. You may notice in such a busy life to barely have time to taste your food or feel your own breath.
There are goals and deadlines to meet, to a point where intimacy and even sexual connection becomes a goal orientated activity with huge agendas.
You may resonate and have experienced this in your life too.
Where did feeling the experience go to?
Has it been lost in the belief it is not safe to feel? Do you feel that I’ll never get things done if I stop to feel something? Some of us feel that feelings are scary or bad or not appropriate. They can bring pain, discomfort or pleasure, take your pick.
Over the past 15 years in my work with clients and my personal practices it has always been about learning through feeling. Why?
The more one feels, the more one can make empowered choices in life and in relationships both at home and at work.
If I feel what is happening in my body, due to a reaction of an experience, or a thought, I will have the information to now describe to someone what I’m feeling and make a decision based on knowing what I need. Instead, what usually happens is that one does not feel, reaction happens, projection happens and now blaming the other person is the result. You may have felt this before where it causes intense separation, disagreements, defense. This also can lead to lack of trust, blaming, shaming and insecurities.
I’ll give you another scenario. We live in a world of seeking tips, things to do to someone else or goal orientated actions.
You want to learn how to be a better lover, how to have better sex, how to communicate for success, how to trust more, how to have “real”, “authentic” relationships.
You might have experienced all the ways to learn through reading, taking classes, going to workshops; yet this only gets information into the mind and may not truly get you to feel or embody the experiences. The actions are a step; however action on its own is not sustainable and I don’t consider action the #1 step to take.
When only actions are taken on top of emotional overload and old baggage, there is a disconnect at the core level which still remains and the action that started out good begins to become forced and hard.
Let’s go back to Vipassana and that profoundly juicy, still place. What I keep returning to is the deeper I go inside, the more intimately engaging I become with the world around me.
All those relationships get juicier, more fulfilling and an effortless intimate connection.
Now going inside to get silent and still does not mean falling asleep, checking out or disassociating from the present moment. It means to wake up, increase your awareness of sensation in the body, the thoughts and the way the physiological responses occur.
It is to uncover the emotions, the feelings, the uncomfortable and the pleasurable. It means to feel it, watch it and as you do it will change, transform and change again as only nature can do. The entire nervous system, tense muscles and tissues which hold your old baggage will begin to relax. When they relax because you allowed space for it to change on its own, you now have more capacity to feel life, to feel touch, to feel breath, to hear other people and to talk you’re your heart in any circumstance.
Life really begins to live through you.
You are automatically more sensitive, aware and present. These three qualities are keys to experiencing more intimacy. Life will look brighter because you are less weighed down. So now you have naturally received what you wanted, more intimacy, authentic relationships, easier communication where everyone gets what they want, more sensual experiences and better sex in your relationship.
As I had mentioned, my journey into stillness has been something I have devoted my life to for nearly two decades. I value and absolutely love experiencing first hand every concept and idea I put out there for my clients and students to experience. Now ten days into silence and sitting for over 7 hours a day during those 10 days in meditation may not be for everyone. However, any form of stillness can add more to any life.
My journey was a wild ride. I love riding the edges in life as I see life as one of the most exciting books to experience with my whole body and spirit. This ten day journey was a new up leveling. There were days I felt manic. One minute happy, the next minute rage and anger. I knew the process; sit, feel, feel some more and witness what happens. What happened was profound for me. There were sits where I could feel the heat intensify like I was burning up from the inside. I was able to watch a thought or thoughts and instantly feel how my physiology reacted to the thought. I witnessed open easeful flow of energy turn into contraction and tightness like someone was gripping my whole body (and there was, me)! I would watch, breath and again watch free flow of energy move through my body. It was like someone was inside me doing surgery. Old injuries coming to the surface in pain, and then they were gone. My bones and joints would pop and crack after every sit, like I was being put back together. Than it happened, as if a shell which was encasing me, one which I had outgrown suddenly cracked open and fell off. There was a river of energy flowing through my whole body. I felt grounded, clear minded and nature had just turned to this high definition color. There was this;
I am the joy, the spirit and the vibrancy which thrives at my center.
You remember that advertisement for Tootsie Pops? How many licks does it take to get to the center? Well I felt that this immense silence, feeling and watching and feeling more was all the licking which returned me to that center.
It returned me to a deeply enriching intimate connection with all of life. This stillness and presence will blow your sexual experiences right off the charts. Yes, it is true. Think about it.
The bottom line is all the life stories, emotional baggage, the day to day stressors of work, relationship challenges, unmet needs and limiting beliefs that work to create a denser version of us. They build up in the tissues and cellular memory. Of course, with all this one would feel less, but project more. We hold so much contraction in our sexual center, deep within the vaginal walls. When the heart has an emotional upset and unconsciously protects itself, the sexual centers closes down. It’s that good old fight or flight response.
My experience is one where when these spaces are cleared truly from this form of embodied experience such as Vipassana, these places soften, relax and now are more sensitive. That’s right. Sexual experience takes on a whole new level. The quality of connection with your partner, the easier turn on, the lack of a need to orgasm which creates a prolonged ingasm. One where you have free flow of pleasure, of love, of connection and there is only more to come. The goal is gone entirely from the bodily experience. We may think we need to enjoy the journey, but instead now the whole body is actually living this experience.
If your tired of being stuck in the “making it happen” zone and ready for sustainable tuned in and turned on relationships at home, work or play Click here https://tziporahintimacy.com/contact-us/ to schedule your COMPLIMENTARY Discovery Session
© Tziporah Kingsbury
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